New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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