So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
