oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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