I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
