for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
