My room smells like vodka and shame
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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