i think my mom watched the whole time
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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