All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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