i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
