hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
