Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
