He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
