I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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