Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
