why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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