Rock
Scissors
Fuck
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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