I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
