Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
