I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
