Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's great music for shaving your balls
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
