we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
