I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
