So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
