im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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