I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
