so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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