i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
