member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
