I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
