Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
