I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
