I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
