I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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