Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
