bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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