So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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