remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
