She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
