whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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