I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
