2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
