Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I want her autograph on my taint
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
