i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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