I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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