Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
