How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
