I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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