Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
