Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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