I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
