Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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