You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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