it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
