Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
