Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
